Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
