so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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