I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
