Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am one with the molecules
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
