The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
