I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize