Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sober January is a disaster.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
