Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
