chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
