I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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