drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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