i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
