if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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