i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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