she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize