My brain says no but my pants say off.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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