Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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