I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
