I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
