His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
