the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize