just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
