me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
