ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
