My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
