u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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