Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
