first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
