People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
