Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
