I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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