I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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