never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You took a bar mat shot.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
