Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
