Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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