"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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