2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
