We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
