I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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