the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
