Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
