Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
