Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
