It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
