if you like me you must not know who I am
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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