I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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