Already got asked if we're dating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
