Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
