batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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