At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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