My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
