you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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