It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
