I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
