man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
