i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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