If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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