FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize