just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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