Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
