Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
