I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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