Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my being single is dangerous.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
