I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
